This morning I was walking down the street and I had to avoid stepping in some dog excrement that someone else hadn’t avoided. There was considerable smearing and clear signs of deliberate scrape-age, so it took several steps to be safely beyond the scene of unpleasantness. During the navigation I was fully locked in on avoiding a similar fate, but after I was sure the danger had passed my first thought I was, “I don’t even notice all the street dogs anymore.”
That was a mildly stunning realization because one of the things Spectra and I found charming and striking when we first got here was the street dogs. They’re all over the place, but they aren’t exactly strays because people tend to these street dogs by putting shirts on them and feeding them. We liked this and frequently noted it--”Look, she’s got a new shirt”--but somewhere along the way it faded into the background and now we don’t even “see” them.
I’m now going to pivot to a related experience and at a minimum the juxtaposition is likely: 1) callous, 2) apropos, or 3) callously apropos.
Another “we aren’t in Kansas" recurring experience for me was using the men’s room while a woman was cleaning it. In the US the men’s room is closed when someone of the opposite sex is cleaning it but not in Thailand. So I’d be standing at a urinal “exposed,” as it were, and there’d be a lady shuffling around behind me mopping the floor. To be honest, I found it unseemly and, if I’m being really honest, demeaningly sexist.
Perhaps it’s my puritanical roots, but the idea of men standing around holding their penises while women have to work in the same room just felt wrong. This might be painfully convoluted logic, but it seemed a double injustice by denying the fact they were women through assigning them jobs that rob them of their humanity, a cornerstone of which is their sexuality. As far as I can tell, the typical Thai person wouldn’t approve of their adult daughter going into the men’s room to stand behind her male friend while we was peeing because it would be inappropriate (substantiating evidence: I haven’t seen it happen). Make that young lady a janitor instead of an interlocutor and suddenly it’s okay? That feels off to me.
“Maybe it’s progressive,” I argued with myself. “Perhaps it’s seeing beyond sex. People are so in control of their sexuality that they can purposefully expose themselves in the presence of the opposite sex with nary a contextually inappropriate thought. It’s like science fiction!” I tried believing that but the next time I went into pee with a lady standing behind me it felt wrong again. I’ve tried waiting to use the toilet, but it’s hard to do because there’s no indication that it’s being cleaned and it feels even weirder to walk in, see the janitor lady, and then walk back out. So I’ve been peeing with ladies walking around behind me for months now.
Does it go without saying that Spectra hasn’t reported a male janitor shuffling around the lady’s room? I’ll assume so and move on. Interpret this and factor it in as you will.
This evening Spectra and I were killing time in a swanky shopping mall (scoffing Americans should check Bangkok's weather report for the last, uh, 2 months; then try telling me you wouldn’t indulge in a little air conditioning while idling away an hour between dinner and a poetry thing you’ll ultimately skip). This mall has several location themed levels—Tokyo, San Francisco, Spain, London, etc—with amazing restrooms. The London level looks like you’re entering “The Tube,” that sort of thing. Tonight I was peeing in Japan and midway through the process I realized there was not one, but TWO ladies cleaning the bathroom right behind me. Or rather, I noted it, thought nothing of it, and then a moment later noted my lack of reaction to it and reacted to that.
Apparently I can now pee in a room with ladies and think nothing of it. How long has this been going on? I don’t know. Is this personal progress? Or have I become more demeaningly sexist? I honestly don’t know. I don’t feel more demeaningly sexist and hope Spectra would point out if I had become more so. Worse or better yet, this is a purely intellectual question. I’m not torturing myself over it. That’s not like me, but is it progress? I have no idea
Please do not pee if I'm standing behind you.
ReplyDeleteI promise I won't if you promise not to walk into the bathroom... Hold on... I just remembered some past behavior of your children. If they inherited that trait then you are not to be trusted. I will use the facilities at Turtle Bread in the future to circumvent this whole mess.
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether you have gotten out into the countryside, but when people sit, at least in the 'Nam, they do so by resting their buttocks on their Achilles tendons in a kind of deep knee bend. It looks uncomfortable, but it doesn't seem to bother them. That's also the way that they relieve themselves in "the Orient." In the 'Nam, in a rural setting, people relieved themselves in public all the time, but the position used gave them a measure of privacy. The nonchalant attitude may be an atavism, as this practice has disappeared in cities and in recent and prosperous times. Also, cleaning may have been traditionally a woman's job. So instead of being an expression of highly liberalized standards, this practice may be a holdover from the past.
ReplyDeleteI sure has hell envy the general level of squat ability in Vietnam (and Thailand too) because I like squatting but I can't do it as well as they can. To be comfortable I need my heals to be elevated a couple inches, which isn't always practical. I didn't notice any public urination but perhaps it was because I hadn't thought to look. Alas, I'll have to let the mystery be because if we pass through Vietnam again soon now I can't look too hard at squatting people just in case they are urinating. Man, life is complicated.
DeleteI wasn't primarily talking about urination. I remember a very attractive (19 yrs old ?) teenager walking out on a rural beach while we were setting up and taking a crap. Because they squat flat-footed you can't see anything, so it has no sexual dimension. They usually do it in their fields to fertilize the rice crop, but beaches will do as well. If you visit some out of the way beach, I'd wear boots.
DeleteFor the very reason you brought up, about how we squat, Americans were considered to be offensive and uncouth barbarians. I remember a bunch of kids laughing at one of our guys while he was taking a crap for reasons now made obvious.
Interesting. I don't see the big deal at all. I don't see there's anything shameful about a) being exposed (its just a dick) natural, or b) pissing, also natural. I don't think this is related to sexuality either, nothing sexual about the situation. I think its progressive that people are so relaxed about that they can just come in and clean and not care. For the record i'd let you pee in front of me. (or on me)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the offer, and it's got me wondering when I last peed on someone. My best guess is age 5. Switching gears, I want it to be progressive and hope that you're right. Time (and/or serious studies) will tell.
DeleteI went to comment on this and now see that I already did. Or, in fact, that some other "Jen" has commented and been mistaken for me. In fact, this is my first comment. Mostly, I just keep laughing at how you wrote, "Tonight, I was peeing in Japan." I love your posts, not only because they're a great insight into what's up with the two of you, but also because they remind me of just how much we all miss your humor and chatter and observations around here.
ReplyDeleteA mystery Jen... I know know three Jen's pretty well now and I have to assume the prior mystery Jen is not my 14-year-old Thai student (Oh, Buddha, please tell me the first Jen is not my 14-year-old Thai student... whose father just told me he wanted to meet me face-to-face to determine whether he should cut my head off or not... he opted against it but I was put on notice; which is totally fair, I should add). Oh, dear.
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