Guys Like Me

On Sunday I had a new student. His name is Obi-Wan (not really) and he's 11. The first time I work with a kid I ask if he'd like to know where I'm from and what I'm doing in Thailand. So far they've all wanted to know. Then I go through a short presentation I put together that shows them exactly where I'm from right down to the front yard of the house I grew up in. I follow that up with a picture of what it looks like there right now; waist-deep snow around car-shaped mounds of snow.

The kids always assume I must be happy to be in Thailand, missing all that miserable cold, and I assure them I am not. That it breaks my heart to miss such a brutal winter. Then I ask if they can guess why I'd miss my beloved winter.

No kid prior to Obi-Wan had even hazarded a guess but he said, "I know why you're here."

I was playfully incredulous. "Oh, you do, do you?"

"Yeah," he said without skipping a beat, "because of your wife."

I was surprised. "Wait a minute, that's right. Did they tell you that at the front desk or something? How'd you know that?"

Without hesitation Obi-Wan said, "Guys like you are always here because of your wives."

I was flummoxed. "Guys like me? Like me?” This kid had known me for all of 3 minutes. I was racing through his potential clues about who I am: tutor, blue t-shirt with the number 5 on the back and an unknown futbol crest on the left breast, long tan shorts, blue Vans, no beard, short hair, no tattoos, no piercings. That wasn’t much to go on. “There are a lot of guys like me in Thailand because of our wives?"

"Yeah," Obi-Wan continued like this was the most obvious and natural thing in the world.

“Really?” I was truly baffled. “There are a lot of guys like me here? And we’re all here for the the same reason? Our wives.”

“Yeah,” Obi-Wan reaffired as though we were discussing the rising and setting of the sun. "Your wife is Thai."

I burst into laughter, doubled over in my chair and everything. After I regained my composure I said, "Some day, Obi-Wan, when you're older and we know each other better we'll have to talk about this again but that day is not today. I am here because of my wife, that’s true, but wife is a white lady from the United States."

Obi-Wan could not believe it. I’m not kidding, he actually narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips at me in the classic “you’re lying to me” face. He thought I was pulling his leg. Guys like me are always here for their Thai wives. It took some explaining for him to buy my story because it seemed so incredible to him.

This is a topic of no small fascination for me. Not that farang guys like me date and marry Thai women; but rather the Thai attitude towards farang dating and marrying Thai women. Or more specifically their attitude about farang going out of their way to come to Thailand with the intention of dating Thai women, which they absolutely do.

Let's just say on more than one occasion I've seen a farang guy with a Thai lady and thought, "I wonder what her family says?" It's judgmental. I'm not saying it isn't, and I'm not saying I'm right or even necessarily committed to a position. But I do have my prejudices and if my niece ever tells me she's dating a guy with an extensive Ed Hardy collection and sculpted facial hair we're going to have a seriously awkward discussion.

Obviously this is potentially a sensitive topic so I don’t bluster my way into it with Thai people (yet) but P’Daeng and I did sort of inadvertently talk about it last week and she assured me that it’s not an issue. She said all that matters is the content of the man’s character, which she didn’t say exactly but it’s what she meant. It’s not that I don’t believe P’Daeng but she is highly diplomatic even when she’s not being highly diplomatic and there are times I get the feeling she’s saying one thing when she means something else.

Obi-Wan, on the other hand, is 11 and has no such reservations. “Guys like you are always here because of your {Thai} wives.” Uh-huh. Guys like me. Out of the mouths of babes? I wonder. I’ll let you know if I ever find out and in the meantime I'm going to shave and start using my ironic, knock-off Ed Hardy shirt as rag to clean the floor with.