That question is the only thing I'll remember from a miserable Super Bowl because it's more or less what I've been thinking about the last month. Even though I hadn't thought of it in exactly those words, that phrasing captures the spirit of the issue. At first blush the question seems laughable, sort of like God spelling dog backwards, but as soon the guffaw faded--and I’d come to terms with that being Bob Dylan’s voice asking the question--a gnawing need to clarify wriggled its way into the back of my mind, "It depends on what defines America."
At that point I was plunged down a rabbit hole of fact checking American ideals against their messy realities. Our social mobility lags behind countries with monarchies; we cherish freedom but manufacture reasons to imprison people like crazy; it's fair to wonder just how democratic we really are when "the people" have been pitted against the two-headed hydra of electoral laws protecting Republicrat incumbents and the awesome power of PAC money. Under the heat of those interrogation lights it’s entirely possible that there are places more American than America.
Yet at the same time, that's ridiculous. America may not be what it thinks it is but America is definitely something and this, ladies and gentleman, is a post about one of those things. I have finally found something I unambiguously love and miss about America: our myth of equality.
Before I sing our praises I need to make sure we're on the page. America pretends to be egalitarian when in fact we’re deeply class-ist. I’m just going to assume all Americans reading this either openly know that or secretly suspect it. If you’re Thai and reading this, mention it to me and I’d be happy to discuss it further. Moving on.
Outside of ultra-fancy restaurants and probably hyper-exclusive country clubs (assumption), in America it’s simply not socially acceptable to openly act like we’re better than, say, a server or a cashier. If anything the opposite is true. In America we’re more likely to go out of our way to convey to people that we’re social equals.
Just think about elections. Have you ever seen a politician touting her or his upper class bona fides? I should clarify. Have you ever seen it outside of secretly recorded videos in which a politician is talking to upper class people? No way. They downplay the divide and show themselves to be “regular” people.
I suspect there’s something about our “hard work” and “bootstrap” national mythos that compels us to gravitate toward the middle. In an egalitarian land where your successes and failures are the result of your own efforts, and nothing but your efforts, then to be lower class is to be lazy and to be upper class is entitled, which is laziness in a different form. As a result Americans are all middle class, even when we aren’t.
America is a “classless” society in the same way that it’s “post-racial.” That is to say it’s a myth. It’s a problematic one because it retards our ability and willingness to address those issues. There’s no reason to focus on problems that don’t exist or least ones that people pretend don’t exist. Back home it drives me crazy but until now I didn’t see the upside.
In Thailand the social hierarchy is important. Less so than it used to be, I take it, but it’s still here. No one is pretending this is an all middle class society. Quite the contrary, people actively attempt to figure out how you’re different so they know which of you is higher and lower in the social order. There are obvious divisions like income, education, and occupation but I don’t understand all of the divisions by a long-shot. Some of it is ethnic, some of it is geographical (which circles back to issues of ethnicity), some of it is political (which circles back to issues of geography and ethnicity) and that’s just what I’m dimly aware of. I’m not talking about an ‘untouchables’ situation, it’s much softer than that.
When you buy something and the cashier ends the transaction by saying the Thai equivalent of “thank you,” there’s no way to say “you’re welcome.” There isn’t even the Spanish or French versions of that literally mean “it’s nothing.” The cashier says “thank you” and you’re supposed to say... nothing.
Every Thai person I’ve talked to about this discourages me from trying to circumvent the convention. "Just smile," they say. If I insist on going above and beyond they want me to say things like, “I will return and shop here again in the future.” You see the little hierarchical snare in there, right? By praising a cashier through telling her I’ll shop at 7-eleven again I’m tethering her to her job rather than cutting through that superficial division to connect with her as an individual human being.
Our Thai friends find our desire to convey to cashiers and servers that we're social equals confounding. It’s not that they’re high society snobs who disapprove of the riff raff. They're normal upper-middle and probably upper class Thai people and these little social hierarchical distinctions are just reality for them in the same way that they aren’t for Spectra or me.
Just smiling at server at the end of a meal feels like blowing her off, it feels wrong. If you’re in America I dare you try it. Eat at a restaurant and at the end when the server says “thanks for coming” just smile in silence--and if you nod your head be careful how much you nod because it might be mistaken for a bow and that's a whole other social quagmire--and then walk away without a word. Unless you’re my father, I bet you couldn’t do it. On second thought dad couldn’t do it either because it would require smiling. Doing that, smiling and walking away, is natural for our Thai friends.
Not being able to say "you’re welcome" at the 7-eleven after buying a bottle of sato* from the occasionally fallen faced young lady whom I recognize on sight—and who probably recognizes me on sight because Spectra and I stand out a little in this neighborhood—has on more than one occasion made me abandon going in because I wasn’t in a mood to face her without being able to say, “YOU are welcome” in a fashion that conveyed I really meant it. You may think that sounds ridiculous and overly sensitive but if so you’ve never looked another human being in the eye who you knew could use a kind word and found yourself hamstrung by social conventions that would make that awkward. Not impossible, but awkward.
When Spectra and I arrive and depart our building we walk through the lobby where there’s always one or two people sitting behind the reception desk. At first we always made eye contact with them and went out of our ways to say hello with enormous friendly smiles. They returned the gesture but it slowly dawned on us that they were never anticipating it. We always caught them glancing at us rather than them looking up to initiate the exchange and then Spectra finally put her finger on it: we were annoying them. “They probably see us,” Spectra observed, “And think, ‘Ah, crap is them. Why can’t they just leave us alone like everyone else?’”
The instant she said it I knew it to be true. It explained the behavior of six or seven different people we see in various combinations at all hours of the day and night who all act the same way. It’s not unfriendly, it’s just that you get the sense they’d rather forgo the exchange more often than not. They’d rather happily keep doing whatever it is they’re doing behind the counter uninterrupted than have to make formal and pointless small talk with us. That’s what "not impossible but awkward" is and it’s hard for both Spectra and me.
I miss falling all over myself to entertain cashiers, servers, janitors and any dang person I think looks like she or he could use a bit of cheer. In America I did that all the time any and everywhere from Georgia to Oregon (but not Florida). I basically can’t do that here. This does not make America better than Thailand. It makes it more superficially egalitarian and, at least in this instance, it turns out I prefer the trappings of superficiality. It’s very American and I must be pretty darn American because I miss it something terrible.
Before I sing our praises I need to make sure we're on the page. America pretends to be egalitarian when in fact we’re deeply class-ist. I’m just going to assume all Americans reading this either openly know that or secretly suspect it. If you’re Thai and reading this, mention it to me and I’d be happy to discuss it further. Moving on.
Outside of ultra-fancy restaurants and probably hyper-exclusive country clubs (assumption), in America it’s simply not socially acceptable to openly act like we’re better than, say, a server or a cashier. If anything the opposite is true. In America we’re more likely to go out of our way to convey to people that we’re social equals.
Just think about elections. Have you ever seen a politician touting her or his upper class bona fides? I should clarify. Have you ever seen it outside of secretly recorded videos in which a politician is talking to upper class people? No way. They downplay the divide and show themselves to be “regular” people.
I suspect there’s something about our “hard work” and “bootstrap” national mythos that compels us to gravitate toward the middle. In an egalitarian land where your successes and failures are the result of your own efforts, and nothing but your efforts, then to be lower class is to be lazy and to be upper class is entitled, which is laziness in a different form. As a result Americans are all middle class, even when we aren’t.
America is a “classless” society in the same way that it’s “post-racial.” That is to say it’s a myth. It’s a problematic one because it retards our ability and willingness to address those issues. There’s no reason to focus on problems that don’t exist or least ones that people pretend don’t exist. Back home it drives me crazy but until now I didn’t see the upside.
In Thailand the social hierarchy is important. Less so than it used to be, I take it, but it’s still here. No one is pretending this is an all middle class society. Quite the contrary, people actively attempt to figure out how you’re different so they know which of you is higher and lower in the social order. There are obvious divisions like income, education, and occupation but I don’t understand all of the divisions by a long-shot. Some of it is ethnic, some of it is geographical (which circles back to issues of ethnicity), some of it is political (which circles back to issues of geography and ethnicity) and that’s just what I’m dimly aware of. I’m not talking about an ‘untouchables’ situation, it’s much softer than that.
When you buy something and the cashier ends the transaction by saying the Thai equivalent of “thank you,” there’s no way to say “you’re welcome.” There isn’t even the Spanish or French versions of that literally mean “it’s nothing.” The cashier says “thank you” and you’re supposed to say... nothing.
Every Thai person I’ve talked to about this discourages me from trying to circumvent the convention. "Just smile," they say. If I insist on going above and beyond they want me to say things like, “I will return and shop here again in the future.” You see the little hierarchical snare in there, right? By praising a cashier through telling her I’ll shop at 7-eleven again I’m tethering her to her job rather than cutting through that superficial division to connect with her as an individual human being.
Our Thai friends find our desire to convey to cashiers and servers that we're social equals confounding. It’s not that they’re high society snobs who disapprove of the riff raff. They're normal upper-middle and probably upper class Thai people and these little social hierarchical distinctions are just reality for them in the same way that they aren’t for Spectra or me.
Just smiling at server at the end of a meal feels like blowing her off, it feels wrong. If you’re in America I dare you try it. Eat at a restaurant and at the end when the server says “thanks for coming” just smile in silence--and if you nod your head be careful how much you nod because it might be mistaken for a bow and that's a whole other social quagmire--and then walk away without a word. Unless you’re my father, I bet you couldn’t do it. On second thought dad couldn’t do it either because it would require smiling. Doing that, smiling and walking away, is natural for our Thai friends.
Not being able to say "you’re welcome" at the 7-eleven after buying a bottle of sato* from the occasionally fallen faced young lady whom I recognize on sight—and who probably recognizes me on sight because Spectra and I stand out a little in this neighborhood—has on more than one occasion made me abandon going in because I wasn’t in a mood to face her without being able to say, “YOU are welcome” in a fashion that conveyed I really meant it. You may think that sounds ridiculous and overly sensitive but if so you’ve never looked another human being in the eye who you knew could use a kind word and found yourself hamstrung by social conventions that would make that awkward. Not impossible, but awkward.
When Spectra and I arrive and depart our building we walk through the lobby where there’s always one or two people sitting behind the reception desk. At first we always made eye contact with them and went out of our ways to say hello with enormous friendly smiles. They returned the gesture but it slowly dawned on us that they were never anticipating it. We always caught them glancing at us rather than them looking up to initiate the exchange and then Spectra finally put her finger on it: we were annoying them. “They probably see us,” Spectra observed, “And think, ‘Ah, crap is them. Why can’t they just leave us alone like everyone else?’”
The instant she said it I knew it to be true. It explained the behavior of six or seven different people we see in various combinations at all hours of the day and night who all act the same way. It’s not unfriendly, it’s just that you get the sense they’d rather forgo the exchange more often than not. They’d rather happily keep doing whatever it is they’re doing behind the counter uninterrupted than have to make formal and pointless small talk with us. That’s what "not impossible but awkward" is and it’s hard for both Spectra and me.
I miss falling all over myself to entertain cashiers, servers, janitors and any dang person I think looks like she or he could use a bit of cheer. In America I did that all the time any and everywhere from Georgia to Oregon (but not Florida). I basically can’t do that here. This does not make America better than Thailand. It makes it more superficially egalitarian and, at least in this instance, it turns out I prefer the trappings of superficiality. It’s very American and I must be pretty darn American because I miss it something terrible.
*Sato is a traditional alcoholic beverage of Thailand. It’s this amazing fermented rice beverage that, at first blush, I didn’t think I’d be able to drink. It’s its own funky funky thing, man. The only way I can even start to describe it is imagine if sake were flat beer. That probably sounds terrible, and your initial whiff seems to confirm it’s going to be, but it’s brilliant stuff.
Every single Thai person I’ve talked to about sato was stunned to hear it was available in 7-eleven and none of them have had it. As far as I can tell, very few people in Bangkok drink it because, as far as I can tell, it's a peasant's beverage. Bangkok prefers the dreck known as Carlsberg and Heineken both of which make me long for the otherwise pointless Budweiser. Say, this reminds me…
In that Bob Dylan Super Bowl commercial at some point he says something like, “Let the Swiss make your watch, let Germans make your beer, let Asians make your electronics…” Hold on a second, let Germans make your beer? Is that really still a “thing” for Americans in the age of microbrews? I could see “let Russians make your vodka” or “let the French make your cheese” or “let the Italians make your pasta or olive oil” but Germans and beer? It struck me as off by a decade. Just wondering.
Every single Thai person I’ve talked to about sato was stunned to hear it was available in 7-eleven and none of them have had it. As far as I can tell, very few people in Bangkok drink it because, as far as I can tell, it's a peasant's beverage. Bangkok prefers the dreck known as Carlsberg and Heineken both of which make me long for the otherwise pointless Budweiser. Say, this reminds me…
In that Bob Dylan Super Bowl commercial at some point he says something like, “Let the Swiss make your watch, let Germans make your beer, let Asians make your electronics…” Hold on a second, let Germans make your beer? Is that really still a “thing” for Americans in the age of microbrews? I could see “let Russians make your vodka” or “let the French make your cheese” or “let the Italians make your pasta or olive oil” but Germans and beer? It struck me as off by a decade. Just wondering.
Should be Belgian if anything (with regard to the beer comment).
ReplyDeleteYou should develop that interesting paradox of foreign places that are more American than America. I'm trying to think of other defining myths: equality, upward mobility, "liberty and justice for all," equality before the law, exceptionalism, the virtue of capitalism, democracy, "one country under god." The last is a good one. Every Indian tribe is a nation, every ethnic group a tribe; and the SE quadrant of our "one country" is part of this unity because the remaining part burnt it to the ground for wishing otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to see John Stuart's Wednesday show
http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes/wed-february-5-2014-george-clooney
on which they show how the Koch brothers tried to intervene in a small-town Iowa election and cost "their" candidate the election by their dastardly literature. They interviewed the Koch subordinate responsible for such campaigns. He proved not only to be evil, but a complete idiot.
If you really want some culture-shock, try replying to "thank you," with "you bet!". That will leave them wondering how wagering figures into transaction-gratitude. One thing to avoid: telling your waitress, "Baby-san numbah one!" This is the correct expression of gratitude in GI pigeon English, which might not be well known in Thailand.